Psst! Hey, Mom and Dad! I’m about to tell you why I act up sometimes
I know I look small, but I need A LOT of interaction with other people just like you do. And the most important interaction? Interaction with my parents – you. And, well, the truth of it is… negative attention is way easier to get and lasts a lot longer than positive attention does. Positive attention is usually shorter and less predictable. So, I try to get the positive every now and then but it’s hard work and it usually doesn’t pay off, so I just go for what I know I can get.
How do I interact, you ask? Good question! Through eye contact, physical touch, and talking.
If I’m desiring eye contact, physical touch, and an exchange of words…
I know I can probably get all three by acting up.
I know that I can get them for as long as I want by continuing the bad behavior.
I know that, even if you are ignoring me, I can keep getting worse and worse until eventually you have to look at me, touch me, and talk to me.
However……
If I’m desiring eye contact, physical touch, and an exchange of words…
I’m not sure if you’ll notice me quietly occupying myself over here or working hard on this project.
It almost seems like the quieter I am and the better my behavior is, the more I get ignored. I’ve heard you say, “Finally, some peace and quiet around here.” Then you look at your phone for a long time. I hate that!
Even if you say, “Good job on drawing that picture” the positive attention is over in less than 10 seconds and then I’m left trying to figure out how I’m going to get the other 29 min 50 sec of interaction that I need right now.
Mom, Dad, the good news for you is…
You are my favorite person.
I want you to teach me how you do all that cool adult stuff.
We don’t have to do anything super huge. I’d love to do almost anything with you if I can count on my Positive Interaction Bank getting filled in the process.
You can just hold my hand or rub my back for no reason. I love it when you do that.
I love your compliments more than anyone else’s.
I love your hugs and kisses more than anyone else’s.
I need you!
I adore you!
Love,
Your Little One
Corina Helgestad is a professional counselor who especially likes working with teen girls in such areas as self-esteem, cutting, suicide, depression, and anxiety. To learn more about Corina, or to set up an appointment click here.